Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
