I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
