I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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