your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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