You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
