I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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