I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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