Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
