I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
