textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
