I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
