I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
