checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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