Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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