I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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