i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
no you cant smoke seaweed
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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