We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
