I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Everyone says I win the strip club
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
