Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
