you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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