I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
