we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
