This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
