This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I know her cup size but not her name....
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