So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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