they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
