i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
