Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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