Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
