I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
