Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
