just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
