In the future we'll all be gay
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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