Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
