I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
