I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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