You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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