He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
bring money and cleavage
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
