I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
