Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Randomize
