I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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