youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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