If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
