I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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