My first STD was from a foam party
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
