I think I died a long time ago.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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