I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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