can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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