So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
