I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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