she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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