At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
