how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
