he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
