He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
