Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
