how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
