eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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