Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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