nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
