So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
