Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
