I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
