So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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