Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
