i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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