I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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