walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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