wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
