Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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