yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
