3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
