Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
