the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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