I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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