1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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