I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
