Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
