Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
