All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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