According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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