The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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