I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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