Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
