Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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