PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
