Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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